5 Months!

We're at 5 months, and while I know my family's going to make fun of me for saying it, this really has been the best month ever! Charlie is just the most fun to be around, and I swear he just gets cuter and cuter and sweeter and sweeter.

We don't go to the doctor until next month for his regular checkup, but we had to go last week because he had a fever and learned that Charlie is 20 lbs 4 oz! Holy moly. Most days I'm pretty sure I'm toting around a man-child. Ladies stop us in the grocery store eager to guess his age and say hi. Needless to say they're always way overshooting. And when they learn his age, their next question is always, "Are you nursing?" Yes. "Exclusively?!" Haha...yes. "Wow, he's big." You don't say. But now they've got me nervous that when we start rice cereal this month Charlie is simply going to explode! I've always laughed saying Chuck was going to eat us out of house and home, but I was picturing this happening more around his high school years.

This month has been the best because Chuck is sleeping really well. He goes to bed really sweetly, most nights babbling himself to sleep. Some nights he sleeps all the way from 7:00 to 7:00 but mostly he still likes to eat around 4:00. He's still napping two or three times a day, and the lengths of his naps seem to be getting longer although this week he's had a hard time again breaking the 40-50 minute barrier, so I've been scooping him up and laying down with him to finish his snooze. I'm relishing this time together because he hasn't let me do this in a while - he'd be too distracted once I got him out of his crib to drift back off. He must have sensed I was devastated to see it go and is offering me one last go-round. What a thoughtful guy. He's also just the most beautiful, animated and sweetest little person. He smiles all the time and babbles constantly. His shriek is still my favorite, but this month he's been working on a myriad of high-pitched sounds. I love listening to his funny little voice and watching his face shift as he tries to make all his different noises. He's still eating every three - four hours, depending on his naps, and our pediatrician told us to start rice cereal this month, and I can't wait to see what he thinks. I think we'll try his first rice meal this weekend - I'm anticipating he'll be wearing more than he digests though. He loves playing in his bouncy chair and squirmy worming to anything he can get his little hands on. He was so proud because he finally squirmed his way over to the sleep sheep in his crib. Seriously, he could not of been more elated when I found him.

He loves to roll over, although he still only goes from his back to his tummy, and swim around on his belly. I just know he's going to get those knees underneath him any day now and be off. He's starting to be able to sit up although he normally topples over after a few minutes. He doesn't seem too frustrated though. Always just ready to try again. He's so over laying on his back...that's for babies, duh.

Mom, mom! Some help here.

He and Stan are pretty good buds, but if you know Stan, you won't be surprised to know that Stan ignores him and pretends like he doesn't hear his shrieks of joy when he walks in the room and certainly has been known to scoot inches away just out of Chuck's reach. What a jerk. But I guess he wouldn't be a very good big brother if he didn't taunt him a little.

We've had a blast this past month visiting with family and friends for lunch dates, dinner dates, happy hours, birthdays, church, brunches, and play groups. We feel grateful, as always, to get to spend so much of our weeks surrounded by so much love. Charlie's one lucky little dude. Oh and I guess John and I sorta lucked out too. Happy five months, sweet guy!

Huh? What'd ya say? It's my 5 month birthday?!

 

 

 

Chuck's chores.



Love these little eyes peeping over the crib in the morning!

 

 

 

 

Fleeting Moments

Charlie was swaddled for the last time a couple weeks ago. And I'm not sure I would have thought twice about it if it wasn't for a post I read by a mom suddenly realizing the lasts in her son's life, in her life. I'm not sure my heart can take this view on Charlie's stages. They're are so many firsts to look forward to that I hadn't taken the time to think about the stages we were leaving. Now they're glaring me in the face.

I'm suddenly consumed by Chuck's lasts. I want to hold on to them. I want to remember...

The last time we woke up in the morning only for Charlie to curl up on my chest and soundly drift back to sleep.

The last time Charlie waved his head back and forth like a little cod fish searching for sustenance.

The last time Charlie knocked out in his vibrating bouncy chair.

The last night I groggily dragged myself out to the living room to feed Charlie. (Why did I do this?)

The last time he woke up too early from a nap in his crib and effortlessly drifted back to sleep with me in bed.

The last time Charlie slept fully swaddled, like the tiny burrito he was, all night long.

I can't tell you the exact day when Charlie's balled up fists spread out and started grasping everything in sight. Or when we stopped having to rock him until he was completely asleep. Or when he wasn't able to fit laying in my lap with his head at my knees and feet at my stomach.

I can't tell you exactly when any of these things stopped because I was elated that Charlie started staying up for longer stretches of time, easily latched on, started sleeping in his crib for naps, graduated out of the swaddle that he continually broke out of, nursed efficiently, and slept for longer stretches during his nap times. I love that Charlie can reach for things he wants now. I love that we can lay him down and he babbles away until he falls asleep. And I love that he's big and long and growing beautifully.

I love celebrating Charlie's firsts, but I'm now aware of the speed of his growth. The rate of change. I want to hold on to these tiny moments with him because I know some day soon that beautiful gummy grin will have teeth and that sweet cooing voice will be forming words. And eventually I'll want to snuggle him but will probably have to settle for a high-five. And when that day comes, I hope I'll coolly high-five him back and smile remembering the moments when he celebrated by burring his face in my neck and squealing.

 

Transparency

The best kept secret to motherhood? Nobody’s got it figured out. And if they tell you they do, there’s a 100% chance they’re lying. Because as soon as you seemingly fall into a rhythm, a routine, your sweet little guy (or girl) will quickly switch something up. Rock your world a little. Remind you who’s really boss around here.

After being astounded, I've begun to quietly giggle when moms are taken aback when I say Charlie's not quite sleeping through the night. They boast that their infant has been sleeping through the night since six weeks old only to elaborate that really he or she is going down at 11:30 and waking up at 4:30. I remember thinking that doesn't really count for me. And a friend a little further along in the mothering process shared her experience with potty training - people were shocked that her child was not yet potty trained bragging that of course their little darling was. Weird. In my book, walking around without a diaper but still going to the bathroom every time in their pants doesn't really count. Why do we feel like we have to fabricate our reality? Would I love for Charlie to be sleeping soundly from 7:00 to 7:00? Absolutely! But lying about it isn't going to make it reality, and it certainly doesn't make me a better mom. The thing is it's okay to celebrate the small stuff. Your kid's sleeping for a five hour stretch? That's awesome! Your kid's asking to go to the bathroom sometimes and really doing it? Freaking fantastic! But when we stretch the truth I think we do each other a true disservice.

There have been plenty of times where I've felt weakened by Charlie's frustrations and strengthened by the tiniest of his milestones. I feel lucky to have people around me on all ends of the parenting spectrum who don't mind being completely transparent when it comes to parenthood - they don't hesitate to validate our struggles and celebrate our baby steps. They offer advice as to what worked or didn't work for them and then step back as we try our hand at it. And it's this transparency and support that I think new parents (and maybe seasoned vets too) are craving. I do think that parenting is equal parts joy and sorrow, and I know there are more of each to come, but since there are absolutely no manuals and no clear directions to parenting, the least we can do is support each another with honesty.

"Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving children is painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest." - Debra Ginsberg

Doing Life with You

Catching up on my friends' blogs is a guilty pleasure that gets squeezed in during Charlie's lengthening naps and on occasional late nights when I just can't sleep - overtiredness is a real devil. And as I was indulging last month, I stumbled across a post by probably one of my favorite friends that I never get to see. She wrote about her daughter's 5 month benchmark and her husband's 32nd birthday, and while her posts make me laugh and cry all the time, this one really got me - laughing because her kids are a.dor.able. and her husband is wearing a "32 years" sticker on his shirt and all choked up by the end because of her unique and wonderful phrasing, "John David, we are so thankful we get to do life with you!" Because that's just it - the people we choose to surround ourselves with makes all the difference.

Three years ago John and I committed to do life together. To support each other. To laugh with each other. To love each other. Throughout our thirteen years we've seen each other through family frustrations, college, jobs, deaths, births, unbelievable triumphs and devastating defeats. We've supported each other despite our darkest struggles and celebrated each other through our brightest victories. In just a few years we'll have been together longer than we'll have lived without each other, and I think that's a pretty awesome feat.

 

I'm unbelievably grateful to be John's wife and love that we get to raise Charlie in a home with so much love, respect and support. I guess I never quite knew how to say it, but man, John, I'm so thankful we get to do life with you! Happy anniversary, boss.

Oh what a day it was three years ago...

 

 

 

The True Fox

You can't out fox a fox, right?

Last month about two weeks into life sans swaddle, Charlie started flipping himself over in the night. It was strange because he wasn't consistently rolling over during the day, and when he would roll himself over in the night, he was none too pleased with the result. It seemed like a hunger reflex. We tried feeding him - he wasn't really hungry, we tried barricading him with a rolled up blanket - he definitely wasn't into that, and finally after sleeping on his floor one night (not sure what I thought I was helping), I decided to swaddle him from the armpits down. And voila! it worked. He stopped rolling over and slept soundly. I was feeling very foxy.

On Thursday of last week, Charlie rolled over to grab some shoes in my mom's bathroom. Seemed purposeful. By the time we got home that night, Charlie was rolling all around his little mat. Absolutely purposeful. Grateful for the swaddle, I put Chuck in bed that night, and he stayed on his back. Easy. And then Friday night happened. The swaddle failed us. We were up and down all night, flipping Charlie back over and soothing him to sleep. By morning, we were all cranky. When Charlie started his same routine on Saturday night, John, in a moment of sleep-deprived genius, placed Charlie up against the right side of his crib. You see, we have our own little Derek Zoolander on our hands - he can't turn left, and with the new placement, there wasn't room for him to turn right. And voila! it worked. He stopped rolling over and slept soundly. John was feeling very foxy.

Last night before I went to sleep, I walked in to check on Charlie, and oh my lord! he was on his stomach up against his bumper with his face planted firmly in the mattress. After having a minor mental freak-out and checking to make sure he was breathing, I decided to let him stay on his stomach and pulled him to the middle of the crib. When he woke up at 2:00 to eat, I promptly placed him on his back in the right side of his crib and watched him flip right over swaddle and all. Charlie, for now, is the foxiest.

The Delicate Balance

When I think about the kind of mom I want to be so much of that person is wrapped up in the examples I have surrounding me. I have two older sisters that are total bosses of moms, a second mom, Patty, that I think might just have hung the moon and then there's my mom. If John and I can swing it, I hope Charlie has as many memories of me at his school, watching all his extra-curriculars and being his very biggest cheerleader because that's what my mom was for me. There was never a play, band concert (didn't know I play a mean clarinet, did you?!), football game, pep-rally, field trip, or track meet that my mom wasn't in attendance. How'd I get so many amazing teachers? Oh, my mom was the PTA president for approx. 99 years running and somehow my schedule always just kind of fixed itself. Part of what I loved so much about school was that my mom was such a huge part of it.

Sure she's a little crazy, but I hope Chuck thinks I'm just a tad off my rocker too because that means I've made time for him, I've cared, and I've bugged him a little. My mom bugged me - Where are you going? Who's going to be there? Are so and so's parents going to be home? My curfew was way earlier than most of my friends. I got read the riot act if I was 10 seconds late. And my mom literally smelled my hands when I walked in to kiss her goodnight to make sure I wasn't smoking. Now that's crazy, but I'm certain I would have gotten into a lot more trouble if she wasn't looking out for me and keeping me honest. Sure I still broke the rules, let her down and, of course, we had the occasional mother/daughter meltdown, but my mom is always there.

I was probably one of the only incoming freshman at Texas State in utter dev.as.tation mode because my mom was leaving. Standing outside of the Jackson dorm sobbing louder than any self-respecting girl would allow herself to, I literally thought I was going to die. So my mom went down to San Antonio for the weekend and came back through on Sunday before classes started to take me to lunch and make sure I was settling in. She was always good at that - letting me go, slowly. And I hope Charlie thinks I'm good at that too because I anticipate the hardest thing about being a parent might just be letting your kids find their footing in that delicate balance without your help but with your safety net.

Thanks for the love, support and safety net. Happy birthday, Sheilanavarifar.