Soccer Shots

My blurry, overly-fantasized version of motherhood was realized today - soccer started. Part of my vision of motherhood is games on Saturdays and practice during the week. It's cheering and supporting. Just before Christmas, we signed Charlie up for Soccer Shots in hopes of building a small bridge between life as he knows it and school in the fall. The idea of him having a coach, following directions, and sharing seemed like a step in the right direction. And sports? Forget about it. We're kinda obsessed around here. 

We got some sporty gear for the cold weather, GaGa and PaPa bought him some cleats (cleats!), and Charlie couldn't have been more ready to get to the field. Charlie-boy's a little obsessed with his clothing lately and always wants to have on just the right outfit for the next activity. Soccer class proved no different. There was a minor meltdown when he realized he didn't have an official soccer shirt (how embarrassing), but he suddenly reminded me he did indeed have one, silly mom...I left out the minor detail that the shirt was actually part of his pajamas and quickly pulled it right over his head. Crisis averted. Our sweet friend Melissa rode over with us, PaPa met us at the field, and just like that Charlie officially had the largest fan club. 

As I got him out of the car pulling his sweatshirt over his head and reminding him to listen to his coach, to ask people their names and tell them his, and to be friendly and kind, I felt myself almost losing it. Here it was. This moment where you hope you're succeeding. Yes, yes, I'm aware it's just soccer, but it was our first let go moment. I wasn't in charge. I wasn't even meant to be involved. It was my first true trust. Trust that I've prepared you for this, sweet boy. It was small, tiny actually, but the significance felt huge. John and I talk a lot lately about the weight of raising a person and who we want our boy to be at his core, and while we certainly want him to be smart and successful, ultimately, we want him to be kind. We want him to be adventurous and enthusiastic. Mostly, we want him to be a friend. And from the little, teeny tiny snapshot I got today, I'd say we're on the right track. He did it. He happily tried something completely new. He was apprehensive at first, but he followed his coach. He made new friends. He helped set out and pick up cones and collected balls at the end of practice. He stayed with Coach Jonathan until the bitterly cold end even though he was dying to go drive the steering wheel at the park. And most importantly he can't wait to go back. My heart's bursting with pride today. I cried thanking Melissa for showing up, for being there with me. And Charlie and I celebrated. We took an extra long bath and read way too much of Black Beauty and screamed GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLL! way too loudly way too many times while we laid in bed together.  Undoubtedly, this is just the very beginning, but it feels really great to be here.