The Terrible, Horrible...

Today when John got home I cried big crocodile tears. Tears that steal your breath and shake your core. Tears I didn't even know were coming until he walked through the door. Tears that couldn't even begin to wash away our day. 

John was out of town last night, so of course Charlie, my champion sleeper, wouldn't go to sleep and wouldn't stay asleep. (Is the full moon sleeping curse a real thing?) At 3:00 am, I thought I was losing my mind. At 5:30 am, I was sure of it. We had meltdowns about diaper changes, nose wiping, books being stuck, going to the library, lunch, etc. At 12:30, I laid Charlie in bed and prayed he'd sleep until the next morning. At 12:33 when the tree trimmers pulled up across the street, I knew I was in for a long afternoon. He never slept, not a wink, and somehow our terrible day got worse. We had meltdowns about meltdowns. 

Basically since his failed nap, I'd been sitting outside, reading Charlie his Ranger Rick, cutting up an apple and handing it to him in an almost comatose state. The energy literally sucked right out of my bones. Simply biding my time until John walked through the door, and when he did, I was out of here. I'd planned my escape, but when he showed up, I couldn't even muster the energy. So I cried, finished cooking dinner and we sat with Chuck as he melted down for the 29,000th time today. 

My patience needs some work. My body needs some sleep. My head surely realizes how easy our norm is, but I'm not certain I needed today to appreciate that. Bring us sleep, bring us peace, bring that sweet, flower-wielding Charlie back. 

Love

"Ho, Hey" came on the radio yesterday, and since it's not 2012 anymore that's now a random occurrence. You started beaming in the backseat and shouting Hey! about one second too late everytime. We pulled up to a stoplight, so I turned around and sang with you. You were enamored. You sat mouthing words you don't know and smiling wildly as I sang and sang and sang. Your eyes locked in on mine, and we had a total moment. And in that moment, I'm certain I've never been cooler or more loved, and I can guarantee my singing's never met more fanfare. 

I'm fully aware that there will be many moments in our future, probably years of moments, where my singing in the car won't be quite as captivating. Probably sooner than I'm ready, it'll annoy the crap out of you that I know all the words to way too many songs. I realize silent rides are on the distant horizon. But for now I'm your girl, and you're my little guy. For now, I'm it for you. And as the light turned green and tears literally streamed down my face, I think I finally fully realized what this mother/son gut-wrenching love is. So grateful you're mine. 

20 Months!

Mama, hold you! Mama, where are you? Mama, hold you! Mama, where are you? Mom, the meatloaf! Okay, so maybe not the meatloaf, but the first two phrases are constants in our house this month. You are officially Mama obsessed. You only want me to dress you, make you food, get you out of your bed, change your diaper (thanks especially for this one), buckle you into your car seat, etc. etc. Weirdly you seem to mind less when I'm leaving lately, mostly not at all, but when I'm around, it's you and me, bud. 

Just about everything lately is "hmmmmmm..." or "gollllly!" And as per usual in the last few months, your words just grow and grow. You think about pretty funny things like Harriet, the cat across the street, riding a bike, or Stanley driving a motorcycle, and we're loving getting to know what's going on in that sweet little head. Uh-oh spaghetti-o is a new crowd pleaser, although you try to find ways to use it as often as possible which meant throwing things out of the cart at the grocery store last week. Let's just say it wasn't my favorite trip to the store. We spent time at the new Children's Museum this month - it's a magical place, at the Mozart's light show and celebrating Henley's 2nd birthday, and of course we went to visit Santa. You were really excited to see Santa and walk into the workshop, but as soon as it came time to sit on his lap, you lost it. And honestly, I couldn't stop laughing. You hardly ever get that upset, and it just ended up being the most perfect picture. The contrast of you and Santa's face is just fantastic.

Christmas was just way too much fun, and you had so many celebrations. Some of my sweet friends had you over for milk and cookies and spoiled you with balls, trucks and turtles, and it was the best way to get you ready for the big day. When Christmas came around you knew just what to do. "Openit!" (Always one word and always exclaimed.) It was our very first year to wake up in our own house on Christmas, and it was a magical day. You were shocked to find presents for you under the Christmas tree, and after we'd opened presents and eaten breakfast, you walked over to the tree, picked out a present and said, "One more, mama...one more. It's okay!" Your dad decided we better start holding back one present for you. You were totally fine when I said it wasn't for you and reminded you of all the cool things you already opened, but I guess it never hurts to ask! We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas night at your GaGa and PaPa's house, and boy, do they know how to have fun! You ran around the house with your cousins and played and played and played and ate more ham than should be humanly possibly for someone your size. We headed to Dallas later that week and celebrated with Poppy & Marge on Friday night. You got to stay up extra late playing with all your new loot, and Saturday was our last Christmas celebration at GiGi & Pop's. Woooo-eeee. You got to ride your scooter outside and play with all your sweet cousins. What a great weekend we all had! Christmas was more fun than ever this year, and you were pretty sad to see it all come to an end. But New Years rolled around, and we got to have Madi and Jackson come stay at your house...oh my gosh! What could be better than having your two oldest cousins to play with all day everyday? Heaven. We did the annual Polar Bear Plunge into Barton Springs this year; the water was cold cold cold and you jumped right in and promptly jumped right out! We headed back to the house to eat breakfast, play with friends, and watch football. It was the perfect way to kick-off the new year!

2014 promises to be a magical year. I can't believe we're gonna have a two year old! I love you sweet boy and the amazing kid you're turning out to be. 

19 Months!

Words. Words. Words. Words. Words. I know I've said it for the last couple of months, but with each month your growing vocabulary almost knocks me over. You said your first sentence, albeit not the most grammatically appropriate, but your first sentence nonetheless. We were in Dallas for a whole week...more on that later...and you piped up with, "Mama drive Poppy car." What??? I almost ran right into a bickis tree congratulating you on the words you put together. It's kinda mind blowing. As with months prior, we're talking, and you're parroting at an amazing rate. It's really cool to get to actually know what's going on in that little head of yours. You talk pretty much non-stop now, but you crash so hard at nap and bedtime. As soon as we finish reading your book (twice...always twice) and turn out the lights, we hardly even get to talk about your day before you're pointing and mumbling "bed" and "kinkle, kinkle lil star". You ordered your dad to join in with the singing this month, and in our almost fourteen years together, I don't think I've ever heard him sing this much. Sometimes he sings in a deep, booming voice like the driver in Love Actually, and I can hardly muffle my laughter to get through the song. You seem to love whatever voice he chooses for the night just as long as we're dueting "Twinkle, Twinkle".

Your dad and I agree that you're just getting more fun by the day. Your mobility, your coordination, your energy is making it so much fun to play with you. And I guess that may be part of the difference too. You're more into playing with people rather than alongside lately. Your dad and you play hard in the backyard almost every night after dinner, and we've had so much fun at the parks this month. You conquered the rope ladder! I'm certain by the time you're able to read this that won't seem like a monumental deal, but I got all choked up when you did it. You've been trying for months to get up those dang things and always a bit confused on how to use your feet and your hands at the same time. And every time I would go over to try to help you, you would just end up taking my hands or leaning your butt into me rather than figuring it out. So at the park a couple weeks ago, you went to give it a try, and I just stood back and watched. And what do you know? You just figured it right out, and you might have been more proud of yourself in that moment than any other so far. Walking was cool, but rope ladder? Whoa. You've conquered the world. 

We've had fun playing with friends and celebrating Thanksgiving with family this past month. You and I headed to Dallas for a week so you could meet your future BFF Rhio and see my sweet friend Lauren. We ended up only getting to hang with them for an afternoon because come to find out all the drooling, moodiness, and interrupted sleeping wasn't from a tooth but Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. Good Lord. I've never felt grosser in my life. I have no idea where you got it from, but boy, did it come on strong. You had sores all over your little tongue and there was nothing to do but wait it out. Our week didn't exactly go "as planned", but it was still so fun to get to catch up with family and spend the holiday laughing our faces off together. Your aunts and uncles are just funny. No question about it. And you thought it was particularly cool when everyone sat down together to eat dinner at your GiGi and Pops house. It was like you thought it was all for you. You devoured stuffing (made my heart soar!) and turkey, but I'm hoping next year you'll be into broadening your horizons because I think you'd really love the desserts we had too. Even the soupy pie I made. I'm gonna work on that. 

You're the tiniest, sweetest, most fun little friend I've ever had, and I'm loving watching you grow and change. Your manners are so sweet. You say thank you for almost every little thing, and even though we've had a few meltdowns and visited timeout a couple of times, you're just plain sweet. You have a kind soul, and overall, you listen really well. Everyone loves to assure us that the "terrible twos" are surely knocking on our door, but I'm playing dumb. I'm fairly certain you're never going to be that kid. Stay sweet, little friend.

Charlie Brown

"Bickis trees!" were everywhere today, sweet boy, and you were in heaven. We lucked into a beautiful, warm December 1st, and your dad, me, our friends, and your GaGa and PaPa all went to the Elgin Christmas Tree Farm.

I was planning on a wonky day because the farm didn't open until noon, right at your nap time, but you were a total champ. We ate BBQ and then headed to the farm to chop our tree. And holy smokes, wouldn't you know a tractor pulled up to take us out to the trees? Hayride surrounded by Christmas trees? It was true love. 

We spent the rest of the day putting up Christmas lights, while you napped, and once you woke up, I made brownies and we brought out the ornaments (you say that word so well). We ate (you opted for carrot chips rather than brownies, but I'm trying not to judge you) and decorated the rest of the evening. As you finished dinner, the Charlie Brown theme song came on the Pandora Christmas station, and you yelled, "Brown! Brown! Brown!" until we finally figured out you were talking about Charlie Brown. Sometimes I'm not quite sure how you know things. You have a Charlie Brown doll that plays that song, but I'm almost certain you've never seen the video. We jumped down from the table and hustled to your dad and my big bed and snuggled in to watch Charlie Brown Christmas. And just like that a tradition was born. Forever and always I want our day-we-get-a-Christmas-tree day to look like this. Magic. Pure Christmas magic. Can't wait to spend this holiday season with you. 

18 Months!

At the last minute, in a moment of accidental genius, I switched our Halloween costumes, and you became the most perfect parrot (and through the creative genius of our friend Sara your dad became a cracker and I became a pirate...get it???).

But you really are a parrot right now. You know all your friends' (and most of their mom's) names and love shouting them when they come into view. You repeat words, and phrases lately, all the day long, and I love watching your little brain process the words and your mouth work to recreate them. In the last week or so you've started saying your name which may just melt my heart more than anything ever has. Charlie is always DAR-dee with a major emphasis and high pitch on the DAR. You love to tell us what drink or food or bike or shoe etc. is Mama's, Dada's or DAR-dee's. And since you haven't started using it in the "Mine!" tone, it's just pure sweetness.

We went to the doctor this month for your 18 month well check and, of course, shots, and we found out, yet again, that you're indeed a beautifully big boy! You're off the charts for weight and height (no wonder we can't keep shirts or shoes for longer than a couple months!), and right now you're measuring at the size of a two and a half year old. Your dad is over the moon about this news. I'm worried you might actually eat us out of house and home in the next year. You've got more than a healthy appetite, and I love that we can share foods at every meal. You are obsessed with broccoli (you say that word really well) this last month, and it's always one of the first suggestions you make when I ask what you want to eat. Turkey meatballs are pretty high on that list too, but nothing, and I mean nothing, could trump your love for breakfast sausage. It's real, and it's strong. If you've finished the sausage on you plate, you eyeball your dad's and my plate for any tiny remnant. And oh Lord. God help us if you spy a piece. You and Stan both lose your minds for sausage.

Loves - You love sitting on the counter watching me make your breakfast or dinner and sitting on the counter in the bathroom mimicking me putting on makeup or brushing my hair or brushing my teeth. You love to pretend brush your teeth but hate when we try to polish those pearly whites. You love to drive. You pretend drive and dance almost every time we pull into our driveway, and it's one of your very favorite things to do at the park.

The funniest (and the weirdest) thing lately is to see so many of my mannerisms popping up in you. Your scrunched up nose when you say no tipped me off. You're making the same face I make when I tell you something would be a bad idea. It's a perfect mimic, and I didn't even know I was doing it. Makes me a little nervous for what else you're picking on. Possibly just about everything.

You're the very sweetest little sidekick to have around these days. You're learning your manners (Thank you, MAMA! is a real fave) and you're testing boundaries almost every other minute. You love the sideways glance when you know you're doing something you're not technically allowed to do. But normally I just tell you you can do what I've asked you to do (i.e. - come sit down to get your diaper changed) or I can come get you, and then I count to three, and I almost never get there before you come running over saying "THANK YOU!" and do whatever I've asked. I've stolen, "Doesn't it feel great to be great?!" from your aunt Jennifer, and you beam when I celebrate you and your good behavior. The terrible two's are probably coming, but right now, I'm loving watching you test boundaries but ultimately listen. I can't tell you enough how lucky I feel to be filling my days and adventuring through your early days with you. It's the very biggest blessing I never knew I needed. Thanks for making our life that much sweeter, Chuckster. Lots of love.