Happy New Year!

2012 will be forever defined by Charlie. The year I became a mom, John a dad.

I imagine when I see or write 2012 in the future I'll be flooded with the memories of this year. The memories of love - Charlie's love. Our love. The love that led us to a gigantic leap of faith. The memories of strength - My own personal strength. The strength of our marriage. And the memories of pure amazement - The amazement of watching Charlie grow and change every day. The amazement of what my body can do...what it was meant to do. And the amazement of the strength of our family's love.

 

John remarked this morning that he hopes 2013 is better than 2012, and as I whipped around saying, but 2012 is Charlie! He laughed saying, "I know. I know, but can you imagine if next year is even better?!"

 

From our family to yours,

 

Wishing you the happiest New Year. May 2013 bring you peace, love and laughter.

 

photo by: Alison Eden...she's a genius, duh.

 

 

 

Merry Merry

The triple threat. We just finished our Christmas x 3 tonight, and oh what a celebration it's been. Christmas has always been a time of giving, reflection, eating and family merriment, but this year it was made all the sweeter because Charlie had his very first go-around. Oh and snow...snow definitely made it a little sweeter. Charlie's first Christmas turned white by the afternoon as we watched the morning rain turn to beautiful, full, streaming snowflakes. Chuck was shrieking with joy as we ventured out in to the beautiful afternoon, and even though we were just out there for a minute with Charlie, the snow added so much magic to the day.

Charlie got a truck-load of toys and clothes. He seemed intrigued by all his new stuff, especially the ones he's been introduced to at playgroup (how mind-blowing to have them at his house now!). But Charlie's very favorite thing is still all the people. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins - let's just say Charlie hasn't lacked for attention in the last few days. And as in awe as I am of this sweet kid, I'm equally in awe of all the love that swirls around us.

I hope your holidays were full to the brim of love, light and joy and that the new year brings you more of the same. I know from here on out I'll be amazed by the difference a year makes, but this first year as our own little family seems especially inspiring.

 

Lots of love to you and yours.

Glowing

Magic. This week has been pure baby love magic. Honestly, I can't put my finger on it. He's an awesome kid, but I'm especially in awe right now. I woke up thinking about the end of the world last night (don't ask), and when my crazy brain calmed down, I found myself thinking that I'd really like to just wake up Charlie even if for just a minute. Just to see that sweet smile. This kid is a freaking light.

I can't get enough of his scrunched up face, his full-belly chuckle, his two-tooth grin, his arms-straight-out-ready-to-eat grunt, his face buried in my my shoulder, my arm, my stomach, my neck, his seemingly beautiful singing voice, his button-working hands, his smile in my rearview mirror, his booty bounce, his almost-crawling rocking, his joy when Stan comes near, his high-pitched squeal, his flirtacious nature when we're out and about, his love for the outdoors, his obsession with standing, his budding locks, his intrigued face when we swab his little ears, his infant-like snuggles right before bedtime and the list could go on and on. I can't believe my all day, every day gets to be with this kid. This is truly the life.

When Chuck was new I remember commenting that I can't imagine how people have more kids (I'm just a tad dramatic when sleep deprived), but I'd have nine more babies right now if someone could promise me more Charlies. What a love.

A Village

I just mailed off my paperwork this afternoon sealing my first semester of staying home with Charlie and working part-time. Sometimes I still can't believe we've made it work. The realities of not working a paying, full-time job were a bit harsh initially. The cut-backs we've made in the past few months are monumental. But it's all working; we're making ends meet. Although those ends certainly wouldn't be meeting if it weren't for some generous, helping hands along the way.

My first, adult-life boss, Pat, is one of the main reasons this has been possible for us, for Charlie. I still contend that she's one of the most amazing people I've met in my life. Pat jumped in as a friend and mentor without hesitation. When I first started working at Westwood, she wrote both my parents a letter explaining to them just how valuable I was, what worth I was adding to the school and the students. It didn't matter that I was 23 and feeling very much like an adult that letter meant the world to me and my parents. Pat's always been in my corner, helping me make smart career and life decisions. And this summer was no different. When I told her I was officially resigning, she was one of my number one supporters, and when I emailed her later that month asking her to keep her ears open if something part-time came along, she was unbelievably encouraging. And sure enough she connected me with Gretchen and UTeach. Working out the numbers and allowing me to fill in the gaps, Gretchen welcomed me on board with open arms. And UTeach has been an amazing opportunity allowing me to still be in the classroom without all the teacher responsibilities. It's made my staying home with Charlie the very best reality. I couldn't ask for a better fit of a job right now as we attempt to navigate this new life, but even with a great job, I couldn't have done this semester without my in-laws. Fred and Ellen moved down here in May, and when I decided to take the job with UTeach, they were the very first to offer their time. Ellen allowed me to occupy her calendar at least once a week for a few hours a day, and everytime, without fail, she made me feel like I was the one doing her a favor by dropping Charlie off. For those few hours a week and this semester, I will be forever indebted. These past months would not have been as easy without UTeach, and Fred and Ellen certainly helped make UTeach a real possibility.

I wholeheartedly agree it takes a village, and I'm wildly grateful for mine. Thanks for helping to make our dreams a possibility.

Hope

Mothering kicked my ass this week. No doubt about it.

And that's as far as I got before I received a text to turn on my t.v. And now I'm saddened to the core. My heart beats heavily in my chest, and my eyes are welling up in waves.

...

I started this blog a week ago, and while I was writing, the horror of Sandy Hook overtook me. I became engulfed in overwhelming emotions, angered by my frustration with the insignificant, and overcome by grief and unfounded fears. Every child's face that flashed before me was Charlie. Every parents' nightmare story became ours. I've never lacked for empathy, but there is something about this tragedy that's shook me. I'm sure it's part Charlie, part flashbacks to lockdown drills in my classroom, and part being a freaking human being. But I had to back away. I needed time to process.

And, ultimately, I've found my perspective. I agree that we've got to do better by individuals with mental illnesses. We have to help kids. We have to listen - really listen. And trust people when people tell us who they are...good or bad. I wholeheartedly believe this tragedy could have been prevented if someone had just trusted this young man. Believed him when he showed people who he really was. What he was capable of. And I agree with the argument that guns don't kill people, people kill people. But I can't help but believe, as a society, we've made it too easy for people to use guns as a means to kill. I'm not suggesting that every citizen turn over all their firepower, but the answer isn't more guns in our schools, in our communities. Stricter gun laws have to be our reality. How could they not? Why have we waited so long? I've wracked my brain trying to come up with a viable reason a citizen would need a semi-automatic weapon. I don't know what it is. I can't figure out why it's necessary to fire off thirty bullets in a matter of seconds. Why these high-powered weapons are so readily available is beyond my comprehension. And while we argue about big government and gun control and mental illness, I can't stop imagining those moments, the fear, that helplessness. I hope it's never my reality. I hope for change.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

This summer I decided to really put my mind to it and run the Dallas Marathon. I was in desperate need of a goal. I hadn't been able to properly exercise in months and still wasn't technically allowed to run when I decided December 9th would be the big day. I signed up almost without thought. Of course I would do it. Of course I could do it. And about a month later, I signed up for a running group - Austin Fit - and was excited to really train for this race. Training started in August, and I was stoked to be out there with friends in a motivating environment. But even with all these positives swirling around, I quickly realized I may have set a lofty goal.

Chuck was three months old when training started. He was certainly not sleeping through the night. And while I thought, at the time, he was on a great schedule, in hindsight, we were still in the midst of quite the juggling act. Long runs on Saturday morning were faced with gigantic barriers. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to pump. I didn't want to leave Charlie. As I've said before, the weekends are my sanctuary, and while this is still true today, it was unbelievably true in Charlie's first few months. I lived for the weekends to have John home with us. So I put off the Saturday morning group training runs. I ran by myself around the house. No big deal. Then John and I realized we weren't allowed to run with Chuck in the jogging stroller until he was 6 months old. And I can honestly say, it was at this moment that the marathon dream slipped away. I wasn't going to get up crazy early to pump and run every weekday morning. I was exhausted. I wasn't going to run at the end of the day. I was drained. I simply wasn't going to run until Charlie could come with me. Sure I could still train on the weekends, but I knew it wouldn't be enough. I needed way more time to build my base. The marathon suddenly just wasn't realistic.

Maybe these are a lot of excuses. Maybe I should have been more motivated. Maybe I should be disappointed. I'm not though. I'm healthier than I've been in months. I'm running every weekday morning, and I'm building a solid base. I'm not worried about my dream deferred. I'll surely come back to it. It'll just take a little more time. Motherhood's a fantastic teacher of patience.

Seven Months!

Charlie has a neck! A friend commented on one of my many pictures of Charlie that he looks like a big kid because you can see his neck, and it couldn't be a more accurate observation. He's looking more and more like a big kid and less and less like a baby every day because he's no longer this blob of a head sitting on some shoulders. Now he's no giraffe, but he's got some real space there. And I think it's totally this little neck that's making him look so much older to me. And it's helping him to look all around. My new favorite thing is to look back at him in his car seat just gazing out the window. It's like all the sudden I can flash forward to his elementary school days with this perfect vision of him sitting in the backseat as we drive home from school, but we'll tap the brake on that for now. I know, I know...he's seven months old...get ahold of yourself!

This past month Charlie has rapidly increased his food repertoire - he now eats (and loves!) bananas, mangoes, pears, apples, sweet potatoes, and squash. The only thing he's flat out refused, other than rice cereal and my homemade bananas, is yogurt. And I can't say I really blame him...who likes just plain 'ol whole milk yogurt?! He's eating a 4 oz serving of solid foods twice a day like a total champ, and I don't know exactly how much he weighs because we won't go back to the doctor this month, but I do know he's upwards of 22 lbs. And oof I can feel every ounce of it! He's sleeping so well this past month - through the night every night and taking two wonderful naps a day. He takes about an hour nap in the morning (yay! we finally broke the 40 minute barrier!) and takes a two to two and a half hour nap in the afternoon. And I'm not the only one that loves this new schedule. He's so happy to finally be sleeping for these longer chunks of time. He wakes up smiling, laughing, and of course gleefully yelling.

Because that's what we do nowadays...yell...in the bathtub, outside, in the car, on the swings, and especially at the grocery store. Charlie's no doubt found his voice, and he loves hearing himself. His little voice has found new syllables, new volumes and new inflections. His Gaga and Papa swear he was saying "ball" today, and I don't doubt that will be one of his first words - the 'B' sound is one of his very favs. I'm thinking of changing my name to Ba-Ba and claiming he called out to me first. Over the top? In addition to yelling out, he's also got loads of new laughs and funny faces. He's just started to "get" what he's doing is really making us laugh, and he loves to repeat, repeat, repeat. And of course, we just laugh all the harder.

Chuck's ever-changing voice and laughs aren't the only new additions this past month...he has two sweet little teeth! And doesn't that just make so much sense? At the end of his fifth month he was having a hell of time sleeping - naps and at night. He was working his way out of it right when we hit six months, but he didn't have any teeth so I'd convinced myself it was a growth spurt, and then what do you know? A couple of days into the month, I reached into his mouth and felt a little, tiny shark tooth, and about a week later, another sprouted out. I thought I'd be devastated when that gummy grin was gone, but I have to admit I love looking in and seeing those tiny teeth. And oh my is Charlie serious about keeping his teeth healthy.

This past month we're grateful for the park, unseasonably warm weather, sweet friends, baths, and books, but mostly, we're grateful for our healthy, beautiful little baby. What a freaking joy it is to spend every day with this little dude.

Sweet, little Char is on the downward slope to a year old. And we love, love, love who this little guy is turning into. He is the sweetest, most gregarious, curious, content and loving little fellow I've ever met, and there certainly isn't a day that goes by that we don't spend at least a little time reveling in how sweet life is with our little family and how lucky we are to have Charlie.

Seven Months!

 

Soooo...he doesn't smile all the time...
but jeez, he's even a cute crier!

 

 



 

Tiger Pee

Two truths and a lie. I played it yearly in my classroom and always cracked up at the crazy things my students had experienced. This past weekend we gave Charlie a great "gift" that I'm pretty sure will make him unbeatable. I don't yet know what lie Charlie will concoct, but I know one of his truths will be, "I've been peed on by a Siberian tiger."

Sacrificial lamb

Thanksgiving was a fantastic holiday spent with family and friends, and while the eating was good (have you ever tried my brother's fried turkey...are you kidding me?!), the non-stop laughter and mini-adventures were the best. We spent Thanksgiving morning at the Trot and headed over to Tania's for some eats and treats Thanksgiving night. We celebrate Thanksgiving with my mom on Friday, and as always, it's a day of pure relaxation and a night full of fun. Saturday my mom planned a trip to the In-Sync Exotics Wildlife Rescue, and it was even better than anticipated. Well better if you like tigers peeing on your sixth-month-old, mountain lions tracking your four and two year old nephews, a tiger charging your nine-year-old nephew and another tiger locking in on your step-dad to the extent that the volunteer had to ask him to "move along". Yes, yes, yes and yes! There was a large Siberian tiger, Kiro, at the first cage we came to. He was pacing the entrance of his cage eagerly anticipating the arrival of his mid-day treat...a turkey, duh. My brother, mom and Charlie and I stood on one end of his cage, and as we stood there marveling at his beauty and size, he calmly lifted his tail and sprayed tiger piss with vigor. I ducked and covered like a bomb exploded, and while I saved myself, I didn't quite get Chuck out of the way. Mother of the year here. But really, the place is awesome. It's full of beautiful, large, wonderful cats, and we had a great time walking around the cages and swapping stories of lion and tiger encounters. If you're ever near Wylie and have an afternoon to spare, I highly recommend giving this place a visit. We headed home Saturday afternoon, and as usual, Charlie was a total road-warrior. Sure I spend most of my time in the backseat now singing The Itsy-bitsy Spider or Old MacDonald, making crazy faces, reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear and playing Peek-a-Boo, but a happy Charlie makes the ride go oh-so-much-quicker and is worth every ounce of energy.

Around here we're thankful for a week spent with funny family, delicious eats, an easy road-trip, fantastic friends and the beautiful Texas weather. Oh and tiger pee. Definitely thankful for tiger pee.

 

Hope your Thanksgiving was full of blessings and left you feeling grateful.

To Be

Today's one of those days I feel overwhelmed with love for our little family. Charlie and I have fallen into an awesome weekday routine which makes life so good, but the weekends are my sanctuary. This weekend in particular left me thankful and totally in love. Sure I love my sweet family all the time, but I'm talking about that love-spilling-over-every-inch-of-life type of love. The kind where you almost feel ridiculous being so giddy and grateful. This weekend was nothing special. We didn't have grand plans or extravagant outings. We had time.

Time to lay around in the grass out front and enjoy the beautiful weather. Time to grab breakfast tacos and picnic at the park. Time to meet family and friends for dinner. And time to lay around on the couch while Charlie took a wickedly awesome nap. And I think that might just be what we'd been missing. We tend to jam-pack our weekends trying to be everywhere for everyone, but allowing time for our little family to simply be is just as important.

This weekend we got to just be. We soaked in this life and uncovered an unparalleled level of contentment.

Affirmation

If life is a series of breaths you take and moments you share, I'd say this past weekend more than helped me fill my quota. My total-boss-of-a-brother-in-law sent my two sisters and me to Lake Austin Spa and Resort for an overnight spa extravaganza as a birthday present to my sister Tania. It was an extravagant slumber party filled with spa treatments, ridiculous food, kayaking, swimming, reading, and laughing. We arrived early Saturday morning to begin our treatments and settle in to the resort lifestyle - i.e. robes worn at all times.

And man did we settle in. I'm pretty sure my sisters were in their robes before I even picked which locker I would store my stuff in for the morning. And we happily trotted up to the Blue Room, which is quite possibly the most magical place on Earth. It's quiet, serene and if you're in the Blue Room, you're either waiting for a treatment or just finished one - I'm not sure which is better. After our body scrubs, we went to lunch and then it was back to the Blue Room. Back to treatment heaven. And the day continued in this style. We bounced around between the spa, the dining room, the pool, the hammocks, the steam room, and the lake for the remainder of our stay. The treatments were divine. The Blue Room was just as lovely as I remembered. And the scenery was unbelievable. But the best part of all of it was the time we spent in between services - sharing meals, swapping stories and cracking up. My sisters are awesome women, amazing moms, my ultimate role models and on so many occasions my complete salvation. We don't get a chance to kick back as much as we'd like, but when we do, we make it count.

This weekend rejuvenated my soul and lightened my spirit. And as I enter back into my norm, my heart swells with love and appreciation for the little over twenty-four hours of moments we shared. The small breath we got to take from reality. A sweet reminder that life really does work beautifully.

6 Months!

October flew by without me even realizing it. Charlie is six months old today, and I truly cannot believe we're here already. When we went to Kavanaugh's this summer, Charlie's cousin Henley was almost six months old, and I remember thinking she was such a real, interactive little kid while Charlie was still very much an infant. And now Charlie is that little social butterfly. He smiles and shrieks and babbles at almost everyone he meets. We went to the grocery store last week, and six women stopped me, I'm not exaggerating here, talking to Charlie and thanking me (literally saying, "thank you") for being at the store with him at the same time as them. He's a magical little guy. All sweetness, smiles and love.

We had a busy month sharing in lots of Charlie's firsts. He's getting so easy and fun to take places, and we've found ourselves filling our weeks and weekends with little adventures, festivals and lots of time outdoors. Charlie had a blast at the Craft Brew Fest, ACL Fest, Natural Gardener (a couple of times), park - his first time on the swings = pure joy, playgroup, voting, the pumpkin patch, Sweet Berry Farm and spent loads of time in the backyard on his blanket playing with the grass, leaves, watching the trees blow in the wind and helping me plant our fall garden.

 

 

Probably the greatest milestone this month is that Charlie is really sitting up. He still topples over every once in a while, but he's really sturdy and strong for the most part. He loves this new trick and when placed on his back strains to pull himself up. His stomach muscles are wickedly strong from all these accidental v-ups he's doing - I guess he loves the core workout. Mostly, I think he loves his new perspective. He's still only rolling from his back to stomach. The doctor doesn't think he's too interested in the other way and isn't concerned because he's doing so great sitting up. He's not crawling just yet, but he's working really hard on pushing way up when he's on his belly and swimming his little legs around, and he's started turning himself around on his belly like a little top to get to toys or tags. He still doesn't have any teeth, but he's working really hard on them, I think. He started real food this month, and we started with the old standby, rice cereal, but Charlie hated it. So we took the advice of a friend and bought the Super Baby Food book which has LOADS of great information on starting solids with kids continuing through their toddler years. It's been a fantastic resource. Charlie has tried avocado (ho-hum), sweet potatoes (yes, please!) and bananas (not a fan) so far. He's eating pretty well, shocking, I know, and I'm looking forward to adding new foods this coming month.

Organic Japanese purple sweet potatoes...isn't he spoiled.

Charlie's doing a great job sleeping. He's been sleeping through the night (from 6:30 or 7:00 until 6:30 or 7:00), and takes two or three naps a day. Dreamy! But we had a major rough patch in the sleeping realm this past month. The week of my birthday he melted down. He fought me at every.single.nap. and would only stay asleep for about 20 or 30 minutes at a time. He also went back to waking up two or three times a night, and I think both of us were in our personal hell for about four days. He slowly worked his way out of it, and since there are no teeth to show for it, I think it might have been a crazy growth spurt coupled with a supply issue. We are back to good this week which means Charlie is back to sleeping and, most importantly, back to his happy, sweet self.

This month was busy and filled with lots of family, friends and fun. I can't believe that Charlie's been with us for 6 whole months, and I really can't believe that in this same amount of time he'll be a year old. Time really does fly. But man are we having fun!