Fail

Mom fail. Life fail. This afternoon I simultaneously failed at both. The morning started off right - Happy kid. Good breakfast. An offer from a friend to check an errand off our list. A solid nap. A shower. The day was mine for the taking.

Feeling like I'd already conquered this day, I decided to knock a not-so-pleasant errand off our list and pack up Chuck and finally get his blood draw done. We jumped in the car, and my oil light flashed, yet again. And since I'm making the trek north tomorrow and according to the sticker I should have changed my oil in October, I dropped the blood draw plan (happily) and turned towards the land of oil changes and car washes. It was 11:30 which gave me a solid chunk of time to get my car taken care of and head back home to feed Chuck and put him down for his 1:00 nap. Pulling in, James asked me if I wanted him to take care of my inspection while he was at it. Failure alert!

Why not? Thanks for noticing James. Oh, insurance. Well of course I have insurance...I'll find the card. (10 minutes later and still no card in the pile of paper vomiting out of my glove box.) Life fail.

James assured me I can just have my insurance fax one over to them. Sounds easy. I call Barry, our insurance agent, and nope. Not there. So I decide to shoot Barry an email as Chuck and I walk into the oil change holding area. I'm scanning scanning scanning through emails trying to find Barry's when I become aware that I look like the mom who can't break herself away from her iPhone for 5 minutes to interact with her child. Hold on Chuck...one more minute. This will be so quick. Email s - shit! The racks next to my chair literally exploded. Chuck, terrified, begins wailing in a sea of scent-your-car paraphernalia. Mom fail.

Scent-your-cars collected and email sent, I notice that everyone that was in the waiting room with us has now decided to wait on the patio outside. Mom fail.

As I fight the urge to walk outside and announce to all of them I'm trying to get my insurance card emailed over so I can knock out my inspection while I'm here, a guy walks in to ask me if I have my insurance yet. I try to announce really loudly that I'm still working on it, but he just gives me an odd look and declares I have a beautiful little girl. I nod and say thanks. Mom fail. (God, I hope I don't screw you up by my inability to correct people, Chuck.)

The 40 minute oil change, inspection and car wash has turned into an hour-long oil change. Life fail.

Please stop stalling, my insurance isn't coming. Just the oil change. Please, just the oil change. Okay, wash it, but really I have to go. Charlie is now starving. Weird Mum Mum's don't sustain him from breakfast to his afternoon nap. Mom fail.

And just when my back feels like it might finally break from walking our 99th lap around the parking lot, my car comes through the carwash. I head inside to pay setting Charlie down to further blacken his pants and germ-up his hands. One pass through the bag - ummm...that's weird. Two passes through the bag - certainly it's in here. Three passes through the bag - seriously? Momentary pause - yep, my wallet's on Chuck's nightstand. Life fail.

Mentally preparing myself to walk home (will they really not give me my car?) I sheepishly whispered to the front desk girl that I couldn't find my wallet. Sure, ma'am. Sure. No big deal. Why don't you...well, actually...just call me rather than coming back up here. Translation - I don't doubt your mess of a self left your wallet somewhere...if you even have a wallet. Please don't come back up here. Life fail.

We pulled back in the driveway at 1:02 only for me to realize I'd accidentally left Stan in the backyard. Mom fail.

Certainly, I've filled my quota of dumb nonsense for the year. But failures aside, we did get an oil change. And a car wash - which Charlie was enamored with. And Chuck's down for one of those good afternoon naps. The day's looking up from here, right?

Hitting Reset

"He doesn't really need to nap very much because he sleeps so good at night. We've been out of town. He's just so aware of everything now he can't seem to settle down. He might have an ear infection. We're being too loud. Our house is too small. Stanley getting a drink woke him up. It's too hot/too cold in here. I'm feeding him at the wrong time. His sleep sheep went off. The wind is crazy. He just loves to stand up. The postman - God, he puts the mail in our mailbox so loud!" Yep, all me. All craziness. And admittedly, these are just some of the outlandish justifications I've made trying to explain why Charlie's naps went downhill.

We'd had spells of this before. His morning nap has always been short, but in mid-January when both naps fell to 40 minutes, I think we both almost died. And it was never-ending. I tried everything...I even foiled his windows, but in hindsight, I did it in a half-ass, desperate kind of way, so it didn't work. But I was legitimately desperate. His lack of sleep made for a discontent, frustrated little guy and an exhausted mama. I couldn't walk out of the room. I couldn't feed him the way he wanted. Changing a diaper was like I was ripping his fingernails off. I kept telling him if he would just sleep he would feel soooo much better, but something was getting lost in translation. Somewhere in the midst of my desperation I made a doctor's appointment...on a Saturday. Embarrassingly, this is the third time I've made an appointment sure that he had an ear infection (or something!) only to find he's totally fine. I asked about teething remedies, feedings and sleep times. She assured me we were doing everything right, so WHAT WAS GOING ON?!

My mom came down at the end of February. Charlie's naps where still on the fritz, and I was working a.lot. Exhaustion doesn't even kind of cover it. After listening to my slew of unfounded excuses and seeing how light Charlie's room was, she agreed to make blackout curtains. We found an unbelievably cute print at Hobby Lobby, and mom sewed her little fingers off lining the fabric with dark grey fleece. We hung one up at a time until they were finished, and voila! Like magic he was taking long naps - hour-and-a-half to two-hour long, every time, kinda naps. And added bonus - he's going down for naps crazy easy (like as easy as he goes down at night). If he doesn't pass out in my arms, he quietly lays in his crib until he's just out. Way different than the fits of standing and crying we were dealing with. The cave-like darkness is a fantastic cue for sleep. Blackout curtains are literally life-changing. Life-saving. Going from 80 minutes to almost 240 minutes of time a day to get stuff done around the house, catch up on work emails, and I don't know, take a freaking shower has made this week a breeze. Let's keep up the good work, Chuck. And Gigi, well, we all know you're just a life-saver (and a wizard). Blackout curtains, y'all. Getcha some.

10 Months!

We're in the double digits!!! I, for real, cannot believe it. March of last year is unbelievably fresh in my mind - my belly was getting, well, quite large, we were having amazing baby showers and celebrating John's big 3-0. The year has flown.  

This month was a hard-fought one. Chuck battled a cold literally all month, and just when we finally put him on antibiotics because it moved into his sinuses, he got a stomach bug. Oof. Let's just say nobody's been sleeping too much around here. But, thankfully, Charlie's on the mend, and to celebrate his recent couple days of total wellness, Charlie, Stan and I (John's ridiculously sick) headed to the Zilker Kite Festival. And oh. my. What a freaking afternoon. It was a gorgeous, sunny, 80-degree day, and the boys couldn't have been more captivated. Charlie played in the sand, flirted with the ladies, and of course couldn't stop babbling and pointing at the kites.

Charlie's still crawling around like a madman and pulling up on everything. He wants to walk everywhere, but only if he's got both of your hands and can lean so far forward he looks like he might just fall right on his face. I'm not sure it's great practice for becoming an independent walker, but he just loves it. We need to just go ahead and buy him a little walker for the house because he's used a couple when we've been at the store, and he totally gets it. He gets going a little too fast, but I know he'd love being able to walk "on his own" around the house.

He's started eating meals of real food this month. We even ordered him his first kid's meal at Magnolia! Meals look a lot more like this now...

rather than the space-food packets he's been downing, and he's totally loving feeding himself. (Baby food is so nine months.) Although he's not too sure what to do about the texture of all the "new" food. He loves all sorts of different foods - eggs (yes, I won him over!), turkey, sweet potatoes, peas, broccoli, oatmeal, kale, pears, peaches, yogurt etc., but if it's not on a spoon, I'm having to pry open his jaw and shove the food in on the first bite. But after the shove, he'll pick it up and feed himself...what a primadonna!

We're loving the weather and have spent most of the month outside - playing in the sandbox, pulling weeds, splashing in random puddles, chasing Stan and taking long walks. Chuck's started to take off when we get to story time at the library; he loves to crawl up front and sit on the blanket with the big kids. It's super sweet to watch him mosey around breaking all sorts of personal space boundaries. He is super aware of, well, everything, and gets crazy excited when we pull up to his Gaga and Papa's house - he has all sorts of things he likes to check in on right when we walk in the door. And my mom came down for the last week of February to help with my crazy work schedule, and Charlie thought it was HILARIOUS to peek around the corner in the morning and see GiGi on the couch. What fun! But probably the best thing this month is the mamamamamama's and dadadadadadadadada's! Just when I was certain he wasn't purposefully directing the different inflections, he started crawling across the room to me adamantly calling mamamamama, and just when John was feeling low that he was saying mamama, he walked out of the room, and Charlie shouted DA! until John walked back in. Sweeter words have never been spoken. We're working on "up," "more," and "please" and "thank you". Ha! Just kidding about the manners, but I really hear him trying to master "up" and "more". We'll see. Chuck's just like the best little copy-cat lately, and I love to see what he picks up on and remembers. He knows John thinks it's hilarious when he does his bobble-head thing, he dances all around when his Gaga sings the Little Pookie book and leans in for a headbutt and a hug at different cues from my mom. What a freaking smarty.

For the moms that want it - Charlie's still up and down around 6:30/7:00, nursing four times a day (morning, after naps, and before bed) and eating real food at breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks in between. He's going down for two naps, but, like I said, this was a rough month with all his sickness, so his sleep has been so off. Thanks to the antibiotics and my mom crafting some killer black-out curtains, this past week has been MUCH better.

Ten months of Chuck. Two more months until the big birthday. Just amazed. Everyday. Because even in the moments of pure frustration (i.e. - four weeks of a snotty nose), my heart is fuller than its ever been. This kid. This love. It's pure magic. Happy ten months, sweet boy.

So over baby food.

Lucky Thirteen

"Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

(Pointing at my cheerleading uniform) "Going to the game."

"Oh yeah, but what are you doing?"

(Again pointing at my uniform) "Uhhhhh, cheering?"

"Yeah, I got that. But do you do anything afterwards or do you just cheer?"

(Awkwardest laughter ever) "Uh, yeah. I do stuff after."

(Painfully) "Well, do you want to do something with me?"

(Literally squealing) "Yes!"

"Alright. I'll see you at the game."

This epic conversation changed just about everything about my life thirteen years ago. Man, what a catch I was. The real bonus in this entire scenario is that John claims he didn't see me skip, literally, back to my table of friends exclaiming, "John. Wahlers. Asked. Me. Out!"

John and I met during my sophomore year in Spanish class, Ms. Hiner's class, and I was immediately in love. Seriously. He was coolly quiet, hands down the cutest boy I'd ever seen, and always laughed at me and my friends' jokes or smiled as we loudly belted out the lyrics to Shakira's Estoy Aqui (a seriously great Spanish song). And everyday at lunch I'd find some excuse to pass by his table. Subtle. He swears he told his friends he was going to date me, but nothing happened. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, and the year passed.

Sometime during my junior year a friend told me John was in his class and told him he wanted to ask me out. But nothing happened until we bumped into each other walking out of school and fell into an awkward conversation. We repeated our walk to the parking lot the next day and the next day, and things got progressively less awkward as the week progressed. By the end of the week, the Friday after Valentine's day, I got up to throw my trash away at lunch and John walked over. And well, you know, THE conversation ensued. When John asked me if I still wanted to go out before we pulled out of the parking lot later that afternoon, I tried desperately to make up for my squealy yes, with a "sure if you want." Idiot.

Some first date highlights...

§  John showed up just before halftime of the basketball game. I'd spent the first half of the game obsessively watching the door and scanning the crowd.

 

§  At halftime, I followed him outside, and when he asked me where I lived so he could pick me up after the game, I pointed. No, my house wasn't across the street. It was at least a mile away, and shockingly, John didn't have a clue where I lived from me pointing at the water tower.

§  He got out of the car and came to my door. Something none of my other boyfriends did. What a catch. He was immediately bombarded by my mom, sister and all the cheer moms. Just a little overwhelming for a first meeting.

§  For our first date, John took me to an apartment party (classy) where two of his guy friends stripped down and raced to see who could swim the length of the pool faster (super classy).

§  I quietly puked in the bathroom. I've always been the lamest drinker.

§  My ridiculously early curfew made us jet early, but when John grabbed my hand as we walked to the car, I thought I just might die.

§  John asked for my number when we got back to my house. I wrote my name on the piece of paper, just in cases.

§  He kissed me. Three of the most G-rated, sweetest kisses ever. I think I actually did die. What a smooth operator.

 

And from that night on, we've talked every single day. We've walked through some of the ugliest and most beautiful moments of each other's lives together, and for too many reasons to detail, we just work. It hasn't been a perfect thirteen years, but we decided a long time ago that being together is home. And there truly isn't a better place to be. Lucky thirteen, right boss?

Happy Love Day!

Love spills over at our house for family, friends and each other, and I'd never pass up a day to celebrate that! And while John and I have loved each other for twelve Valentine's Days, this is our first year with Charlie. Our first year to celebrate a new kind of love - the purely overwhelming kind.

 

My sister gave me the book How Do I Love You? shortly after Charlie was born, and the end of the book explains this overwhelming kind of love better than I ever could...

 

How do I love you?

It's impossible to say.

 

For if I had a million days

And time enough for all the praise,

I couldn't tell you all the ways...

 

I love you.

 

Happy first Valentine's Day, Chuck. I'll be your number one valentine as long as you'll let me. And Boss, well, you know - this life doesn't work without you, and I love this life.

Happy Valentine's Day from us to you! Thanks for your friendship, support and most of all, your love. We love you.

 

photo by: Alison Eden Photography

 

Sickly Grateful

Charlie and I spent our first night together in the bathroom with a pile of towels for a pillow and a beach towel for a blanket hoping the warm shower moisture would clear those nostrils. Before he went down for the night, I could tell he was getting congested, and sure enough an hour into his normally seamless slumber he woke up just miserable. I dropped some saline in his nose while John set up the humidifier and tilted the crib mattress, and Chuck sweetly fell back into a deep slumber. Somewhere in my subconscious I must have known we were in for a long night. I couldn't get to sleep and sure enough around 11 Charlie woke up in a rage. An inconsolable rage. I pulled him into bed with us, normally an instant calmer only to find him more frustrated. So we hit the bathroom, and he sacked out. And of course mid-night, I started getting sick too. The pits. The absolute pits - being sick with a sick little one. It's been a long couple of days, but being sick and sad has made us wildly grateful for...

1. Super Dad mode. John jumped in on Sunday and didn't look back. I took two naps while the boys played.

2. A sick kid whose still crazy fun and cute. Even with snot flowing down his face, he's beautiful.

3. Sweet friends who bring a Super Bowl party to you when you can't come to theirs'. And Doritos...nacho cheese Doritos...god, they're delicious.

4. Two nights of family bed. They weren't the most restful nights, but waking up next to that little guy is just too good.

5. Veggie casseroles on the doorstep.

6. Naps. Long, sweet naps.

7. Humidifiers. Not because I think they're really helping Charlie sleep, but I do love walking into his room to find him bouncing and waving in the "smoke". A young clubber on our hands.

8. Beautiful days at the park. Every kid had Chuck's same cough and snot drip. And the walk there with Stan was just what we needed - fresh air.

9. Shopping therapy. Target's boys' clothes are cuuuute.

10. A sanitized house. I believe in the power of clean sheets.

9 Months!

Motorin'! Nothing could describe this month any better. The first part of the month was pulling up and dragging, and then about mid-month Charlie just got it. Something clicked, and he threw those knees underneath him and hasn't looked back. The standing and the crawling has left us with a few bumps and bruises, one fall off the deck (again mom-of-the-year here) and a slight obsession with trying to escape out the back door, but otherwise, I'm so grateful for the mobility. Sure he gets into Stanley's water, and the trash in the bathroom, and well, everything, but it's so fun to watch him really play at playgroup and crawl around at the library and "sprint" from the den to the kitchen just so we'll pick him up. He's a total kid, and we're loving it.

We went to the doctor today, and it seems as though my month eight predictions might have been a bit off. He's 21 lbs and 15 oz - alright Char, I'll give you the 22 lbs - which puts him in the 80th percentile. Gasp...he's starting to level out and slim down which I guess is good because otherwise he really would be 64 lbs by the time he turned one. He's 30.5 in. which still puts him off the charts for height...have I mentioned how proud this makes John?!

This month Charlie is obsessed with the sandbox (a converted plastic pool) that sits in the back corner of our backyard. Between that and the bench GiGi and Pops got him for his baptism, I think we sit out there for at least an hour every day. And if we haven't made our way out to the sandbox that's only because Charlie's feverishly practicing pulling up and walking along the edges of our chairs and bench on the deck. We've rediscovered books this month. He couldn't sit still to get through even his favorites for a while, but after achieving the end-all-be-all feat of crawling, he can now settle in for a good read. Other than crawling, maybe my favorite thing this month is Charlie's laugh. It's still this full-belly chuckle, but this month he'll get so tickled he can't focus on whatever he was doing. For real, fall down laughter. Stan has also become even more of an obsession this month because now Charlie can be in his biz-nass at all times. Stan is so sweet to him, and every once in a while he'll bring his toy over by Charlie and play a little tug-o-war...Charlie's dream. And we're still talking, gibberishly, but we're talking. Charlie continues to yell - ahhh-ah - when he wants something, especially food, or when he senses a good echo. But he's also got a pretty great grunt working this month when he wants to get your attention. And of course, the ma-ma-ma-ma-mas when he wants to be picked up. I'd like to claim he's calling out for me, but he says it to everybody. The little player.

 

 

Now for the downer, this month was marked by some serious sleeping woes that I think we're on our way out of, but I'm not totally confident. Almost every. single. nap. was a battle. I tried pushing nap time up...maybe I was letting him get overtired. Wrong. I tried one nap...maybe he wasn't tired enough. Wrong. So we've been patiently (not so much) working through it. I think most of the problems started around the time of the crawling. He had these super amazingly awesome skills to show off, and the moment he was on his belly he couldn't help but crawl around. I literally found him exhaustingly crying and crawling in circles in his crib one day right after I laid him down. Can't. stop. crawling, Mom. Misery. I'm hopeful we're on the other side of the sleep regression...like, wishing and hoping and thinking and praying.

For the moms that want it - he's up at 6:30/7:00, takes a nap around 9:00 for about 45-60 min, takes another nap around 1:00 for about 60-90 min., and then is down for the night at 6:30/7:00. He's nursing (yes, Kevin...nuuuuursing) four times a day - waking up, after first and second nap, and before bed at night. And he's eating three meals a day - 4 oz of veggie/fruit puree and a handful of blueberries or cheerios or lima beans or peas or whatever else he can feed himself - with two snacks normally in between nap and lunch and nap and dinner. House and home. Eating us outta house and home.

Month nine. Three months until the big numero uno. I got all choked up today at the doctor's office making his one year appointment - I can't believe we're already there. Life's sweeter because of you little Chuckster. So very much sweeter.