We Used to Wait

As per our usual routine, John listens to lots of new music, tries to get me interested, I promise to work whatever said band of the moment into my mix of Garth Brooks, The Cure, the Beach Boys, my high-school-era rap, and other "classic" favs of mine (don't judge), and normally the new band doesn't stick. This time was different though. Arcade Fire stuck, and when John's cousin Jamie came down and showed us an interactive video for the song "We Used to Wait", the song became an all-time favorite. The song is about change, the impact of major moments in your life, but then also speaks to me about anticipating the major moments in life to a point where you miss the little, everyday. I'm not exactly a live-in-the-moment person. I worry. I anticipate. I budget. I plan. So to say that the first few days home from the hospital last week were rough is an understatement. Charlie was very much communicating that we were not in control. Lovingly, everyone was checking in to see how we were doing, what was going on with Charlie and how they could help. But John and I wanted to be alone. Nothing was going on with Charlie. And there was absolutely nothing to do to help either situation. I put friends and family on hold and wallowed in the fact that I was enormous and still waiting on our baby. I cried because my shirts no longer fit. I cried because I was hot. I cried because I couldn't easily get around. (Now do you see why John thinks I'm such a catch?!) And then on Sunday we decided to take Stan to one of our favorite spots in Austin - Red Bud Isle.

It's a perfect spot to hike around, take a swim and let Stan socialize. From several different rocks, I watched John swim and Stan play still wallowing in my enormity. And then it hit me. Why can't I swim? Why can't I play with Stan? WHAT AM I DOING? I loathe wallowers. I loathe people who play the victim. I loathe people who act like being pregnant or having kids means you can't do anything you used to love. So I jumped in. And what do you know? We had a great morning!

   
I forgot about being big, and I forgot about waiting on Charlie, and I delighted in our little family's Sunday. And that's when I realized I can't keep focusing on Charlie's impending arrival. I shouldn't be acting like this last part of my pregnancy is anything but great. This could be my only chance to be pregnant and what's the use of wishing it to the end? So John and I have been enjoying our little moments together. Stanley and I have been running errands, taking long walks and sleeping. I've met up with friends, and most importantly, I've relished the nights of Charlie dancing around in my belly. Charlie isn't stalling out. He's giving me time. We have our next doctor's appointment tomorrow, and we're so looking forward to hearing how my body's progressing, and I'm sure we'll talk about inducing should that become necessary, but until Charlie makes his big debut, we're enjoying our now.