Transparency

The best kept secret to motherhood? Nobody’s got it figured out. And if they tell you they do, there’s a 100% chance they’re lying. Because as soon as you seemingly fall into a rhythm, a routine, your sweet little guy (or girl) will quickly switch something up. Rock your world a little. Remind you who’s really boss around here.

After being astounded, I've begun to quietly giggle when moms are taken aback when I say Charlie's not quite sleeping through the night. They boast that their infant has been sleeping through the night since six weeks old only to elaborate that really he or she is going down at 11:30 and waking up at 4:30. I remember thinking that doesn't really count for me. And a friend a little further along in the mothering process shared her experience with potty training - people were shocked that her child was not yet potty trained bragging that of course their little darling was. Weird. In my book, walking around without a diaper but still going to the bathroom every time in their pants doesn't really count. Why do we feel like we have to fabricate our reality? Would I love for Charlie to be sleeping soundly from 7:00 to 7:00? Absolutely! But lying about it isn't going to make it reality, and it certainly doesn't make me a better mom. The thing is it's okay to celebrate the small stuff. Your kid's sleeping for a five hour stretch? That's awesome! Your kid's asking to go to the bathroom sometimes and really doing it? Freaking fantastic! But when we stretch the truth I think we do each other a true disservice.

There have been plenty of times where I've felt weakened by Charlie's frustrations and strengthened by the tiniest of his milestones. I feel lucky to have people around me on all ends of the parenting spectrum who don't mind being completely transparent when it comes to parenthood - they don't hesitate to validate our struggles and celebrate our baby steps. They offer advice as to what worked or didn't work for them and then step back as we try our hand at it. And it's this transparency and support that I think new parents (and maybe seasoned vets too) are craving. I do think that parenting is equal parts joy and sorrow, and I know there are more of each to come, but since there are absolutely no manuals and no clear directions to parenting, the least we can do is support each another with honesty.

"Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving children is painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest." - Debra Ginsberg